*The Hands That Never Held Me Back*

 

My sweating hands.

 

When I was young, people would look at my wet palms and say, “Pasmado imong kamot.” I believed it too. I thought that was the whole explanation, “pasmadong kamay,” period.

 

But growing up with “singtonong kamot or pawising kamay” wasn’t just a label. It was a daily struggle.
During elementary exams, I always needed extra paper na ihapin sa akong kamot para dili mabasa ang test paper ug akong answers. When I wore slippers, moslide akong tiil, kabuling-buling akong tsinelas, and sometimes friends would laugh about it.

 

During Mass in church, when it was time to hold hands during the singing of “Our Father,” I would silently panic. I felt awkward, exposed, different.

 

In high school, it became heavier. Insecurity started to grow. I avoided handshakes, holding hands with friends, or anything that required close contact. Same routine during exams, extra papers, panyo, and quiet prayers that nobody would notice and dili mabasa akong test papers and answer sheets.

College came… same story.

 

This sweating would appear when it was hot, when I was nervous, when I was excited, in short, at the worst possible times.

 

Then came the CPA Board Exam.

Imagine the pressure of solving problems, shading answer sheets, flipping through papers… with wet hands. I brought several handkerchiefs, clinging to them like lifelines. The anxiety? Grabe. But by GOD’s grace,  I PASSED THE CPA BOARD.

 

When I started working, the struggle continued. Accounting means paperwork, signatures, receipts, documents. So I researched and learned that it wasn’t “pasmado” at all — it was an overactive sweat gland condition. Something I didn’t choose, something I simply had to manage. I tried home remedies, over-the-counter solutions, anything to lessen the sweat. Still, every handshake required a quick wipe. Every introduction needed a silent preparation.

 

Then came Law School, more exams, more papers, more handkerchiefs.

 

And then… the Bar Exam.

 

I brought eight handkerchiefs, four for the morning, four for the afternoon. The more kaba I felt, the more my palms would sweat. To the point na tumutulo na talaga. My laptop keyboard would get wet. But still I I MADE IT TO THE BAR.

 

I know I am not alone. Many people have the same condition. Even my three children have it too.

Yes, it made me insecure. Yes, it embarrassed me countless times. But it never stopped me, not from dreaming, not from studying, not from becoming the person I prayed to be.

 

So to everyone who shares this experience:

 

You are not alone.

We are born with this. We live with this. But we rise with this too.

Do not let your insecurities, whether sweaty hands or anything else, stop you from pursuing your heart’s desires.

 

And to those who meet people like us:

 

We ask a little understanding.

Hindi po “pasmado” ang kamay namin.

It’s not dirty.

We didn’t choose this.

If mabasa imong kamot kung muhawid mi ninyo, pasensya na.

If di mi mo handshake, please don’t take it negatively, beso-beso nalang ta, okay? ☺️

 

And to those who can relate…

Share this post. Let someone know they’re not alone.

Atty. Su