Vagabond
"Vagabond"
What comes in your mind every time you hear a word “Beggar”? You would perhaps visualize someone who is so filthy walking in the street asking for anything from anybody. Well, that is in fact the literal meaning of the word, “A very poor person asking for money or food from stranger”.
There is a yawning sensation of sadness and dejection whenever this word comes into my mind. I do not only envisage about my fellow human being roaming around in places where they could possibly find a “better” prospect to solicit money or food in order to live. Neither am I only thinking about the blind people sitting in most Church entrances extending their hands and feeling blissful when they heard a fling of coins thrown in their cans. For me, a vagabond are not only the homeless creature, penniless person, or those who have no food to eat or don’t possessed anything necessary for survival, but also those who are emotionless, insensitive, friendless, lonely, and loveless. I could even say that the later are more unfortunate because they are those who truly lack the most essential thing in human’s existence. I can really feel the pain and hardship as I tried to imagine the sad-looking eyes of a beggar, would it be a material or immaterial things they are pleading for.
Couple of days past I felt bluer than blue and sadder than sad. All these brought about by life’s crisis that has terribly crushing on me. It seriously lets me wander and beg for serendipity. This qualm put me in a condition when I brazenly beg for help from friends whom I believed to have an enormous and generous heart. Yes, I remedied this hitch with a very tragic option that could perhaps make others count me as drifter. It’s so uncomfortable, awkward, and pitiful but in one way or another, it gives me little hope. It likewise makes me ponder whether me too belongs to the less privileged of having no real friend at all or am I so lucky to have been blessed with concerned and supportive friends. Shameful. Difficult. Painful. I am even a bit terrified of the outcome, not that I will be disappointed, frustrated and turned-down by the people I am counting on, but I fear I might not be able to bear the grief of not really having real ones. Also scared that I will just end up realizing that I am not only classified under the first type of beggar but I also belong to the other kind. There must be nothing bluer than this. But hey, I must still be looking up! For there is a real rooting of all my will and courage to openly display my nothingness, for my shamelessness and for my begging. People I am counting on may have failed or denied me but that couldn’t be as reason for them to lose me, nor stopped giving my trust on them. They maybe untrue to me but I remain real, faithful and loyal to them and I think it is the most important. More likely, those I am counting on also would not mean to discourage and frustrate me, nor wouldn’t mean to cause my loneliness.
Nevertheless, a beggar we may be or a wealthy as can be, the purity of our
heart still what counts the most. As the phrase says “There are no poor who can
give nothing and no rich who needs nothing“. We all are beggar in some ways and
richer in other aspects. I maybe losing all my material possessions, or all my
friends, but what are all these at the end anyway? Everything is superficial
and temporary and we carry only ourselves in the final judgment. A vagabond I
can be, but still proud to be for I know that it’s my own humble true self I am
trading and showing. There would be lessons learned and things clarified within
this difficulties. I must just have faith and no matter what, life must keep
going.
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